


Lost and found

by errantknightess



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Laven Spring Gift Exchange 2017, M/M, post-Ark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-10-25 03:04:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10755423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/errantknightess/pseuds/errantknightess
Summary: Lavi tried hard to swallow down the bitter tingle at the back of his throat. He couldn’t look away from that little patch of black and white, fluttering in Allen’s fingers like a butterfly, and something in his eye must have clued Allen in. He followed his gaze down and turned the card over once again, his smile fading as he took a closer look.“Lavi…” he said slowly, fingers skimming over the dark smears of dried blood on the paper. “How long have you had this card?”





	Lost and found

**Author's Note:**

> Written for tumblr user the14thnea for the Laven Spring Gift Exchange - I'm REALLY sorry for making you wait this long! I hope you will still find this fic enjoyable in spite of that ;A;
> 
> Prompt: Allen finds out about Lavi carrying his ace of spades with him all the time.

The night was stifling, washed blue with the light of the clear full moon, and once again restless.

Lavi lay on his back, watching the shadows drift across the ceiling. He had given up on sleep long ago, his head too heavy with the recent events to allow him anything better than a few fitful naps that left him exhausted and disoriented. The alternative was almost soothing in comparison. Staying awake meant he could at least try to put up a fight against the memories flooding his mind.

The distant noises of the infirmary ebbed and flowed in his ears. It seemed the medical staff weren’t getting much sleep, either. Lavi absent-mindedly picked up the shreds of sounds seeping through the walls: hushed voices from down the hall, brisk footsteps of the nurses, cabinet doors opening and closing with a soft clack. It was always busy in here, even this late into the night, but their return from the Ark had stirred things up even more than usual. With tension thick in the air, the ward was no place for rest these days, neither for the patients nor those tending to them.

His leg twitched sharply, an almost electric sting of numbness running up and down his skin under the bandages. Lavi groaned and slowly turned on his side, his limbs heavy as if he were rolling in molten lead. The metal bedframe repeated his groan in a mocking, high-pitched tone that made his teeth tingle. Out of all the rickety beds in the room, this one had to be the loudest. Lavi settled carefully, the lumpy mattress protesting his every move. Finally, the metallic whining of springs quivered to a stop and the room fell silent again, so silent he could hear his own breath.

And then, like a distant echo, the creaks and cracks sounded anew. This time, though, they were different than the usual tossing and turning – more timid and jerky, the tell-tale noises of someone trying really hard not to make a noise. Lavi recognized them immediately; he had heard them night after night ever since they got here. With his eye half-closed, he held as still as he could, watching Allen slowly sit up on his bed just within arm’s reach.

It was hard to read his face in the dim light, but its ghostly pale sheen alone told Lavi more than enough. Allen shifted under the blanket, his moves short and shaky like a marionette on a broken string. Lavi wondered how he could still move at all; he had to have more fractures than bones. And yet there he was now, ready to leave the bed and disappear God knows where, just like last night and the one before.

The first couple times, Lavi had let it slide, too sore and tired to spy on him. Still, curiosity wormed its way in even through pain and fatigue, and he could only ignore it for so long. That’s _all_ it was, he told himself, staring intently as Allen set his trembling feet on the floor. Just plain old curiosity prickling under his skin, writhing in his chest, gnawing at the back of his throat—

His hand grabbed onto Allen’s as soon as he took the first wonky step past him.

“And where do you think you’re going?”

For a split second, Allen went rigid in his grip, like a rabbit caught in a snare.

“I just… wanted to get a midnight snack.” The weak smile he offered only made the lie all the more obvious. Lavi sighed, squeezing his hand a little tighter than he meant to.

“Come on, Allen. If you really were going to get food, you wouldn’t look this miserable.”

Allen looked away, his pulse beating against Lavi’s fingers in a rugged rhythm. He didn’t answer, but made no move to escape, either, and Lavi saw this as his chance. With a light tug, he pulled Allen closer, leading him to sit down on the bed. Allen gave in to his guidance like a rag doll, his shoulders slumped and shaking as he dropped onto the mattress. He still wouldn’t meet Lavi’s gaze, staring dead ahead with glassy, faraway eyes.

“Hey…” Lavi started, his voice barely a whisper, but still too loud in the choking stillness. Gently, he ran his thumb over the back of Allen’s hand, hoping for a reaction. “Allen? What’s wrong?”

Still no answer. Allen just shook his head slowly, as if trying to chase away some plaguing thoughts.

“You don’t want to talk about it?”

“It’s nothing,” Allen muttered, finally turning back to him with another half-hearted smile. It faltered as soon as their eyes met; at least he realized his masks were no longer of use.

Maybe that’s what spurred Lavi into dropping his own one as well.

His wounds protested as he leaned closer to Allen, as if his body wanted to remind him that he shouldn’t let himself go this far. Allen’s gaze flicked with a quiet surprise, but he didn’t resist when Lavi gingerly rested a hand on his shoulder, with a touch so light he probably hardly felt it through the bandages.

“It’s fine if you don’t want to tell me,” Lavi assured, his confidence rising with every moment of this fragile connection. “I get it. But please, just stay here tonight, all right?”

Allen bit down on his lip, fidgeting with the hand that Lavi still held clasped in his own. Long black fingers tapped a silent melody over his calloused knuckles. He parted his lips and sucked in a shaky breath, but it took another moment before he spoke.

“How can you stand this?”

“What do you mean?” Lavi blinked, puzzled.

“I feel like I’m going crazy.” Allen’s voice cracked as he explained, a nervous grimace tugging at his mouth. “I can’t take it anymore, I’m going to lose my mind if I stay here like this any longer.”

“Allen, calm down. You’ll be fine.” Lavi gave his shoulder a little squeeze, but the words didn’t sound convincing even to himself. It was unsettling to see Allen unravel like this, and he could feel his own composure starting to crumble as well. He needed a distraction – anything for their minds to latch onto before they both give out.

“Let me help you. Come on, how about we have some fun together?”

“Fun?” Allen repeated, drawing the word out as if he held it on his tongue for the first time ever. He seemed confused, and suspicious, and yet – oddly hopeful. Lavi smiled; his hand slid up and down over Allen’s shoulder in gentle, soothing circles.

“Yeah. I know something that will lighten you up for sure.” This was a terrible idea, he knew that as soon as it crossed his brain. He _was_ going to regret it. There was no doubt about it. But at that moment, it was the best he could do. Even at the price of his dignity.

“Care for a round of poker, Beansprout?”

The challenge in his tone made Allen perk up in an instant. Lavi had to wonder just how deep his competitive streak ran; it seemed more like some primal instinct to him – but for now, he was just glad to see that sparkle again.

“I thought you hated playing with me.” Allen tilted his head with that shark smile of his. “You’ve never won even once. What’s with this all of a sudden?”

“Oh, you know.” Lavi shrugged. “I just thought you might need some practice. With everything that’s been going down recently, you haven’t played in a while, right? I bet you got all rusty,” he taunted.

Allen’s smile somehow got sharper.

“Don’t underestimate me or you’ll lose your pants.”

“You wish.” Lavi poked him in the nose with his finger. “No, I have a good feeling about this. It must be my lucky night.”

“Well then, let’s see it.” Like a cat pouncing on its prey, Allen stretched over Lavi’s lap to rummage in his nightstand drawer. A moment later, he scrambled back onto the bed, already fiddling with the worn deck in his hands as he settled in.

Lavi scooted closer to join him, smoothing out the wrinkled blanket between them. Something light fluttered in his chest, an odd feeling so pleasant that it almost hurt. It was as if for a moment everything went back to normal. He watched Allen’s expression flicker from glee to focus, his lips drawn into a thin line and a deep crease on his forehead, half-hidden under the messy white hair. Lavi just barely stopped himself from reaching out to brush it away. But Allen didn’t seem to be bothered by it at all; he kept his eyes on the deck, cutting it and shuffling over and over. His hands moved swiftly and as always, fingers dancing through the cards with practiced ease. He made it look so easy. The graceful gestures were almost hypnotic, but Lavi found it hard to give in to their charm. The sight of the cards cascading between Allen’s palms made him uneasy. They had been cleaned and refreshed, but it was still the same deck – he’d recognize it anywhere. Even without his cursed memory, he doubted he could ever forget. Lavi felt his breath back up in his throat as the pictures burned in his brain, preserved as perfectly as in Timcanpy’s recording: a flash of light, empty gray eyes, a rain of paper scattering on the bloodstained grass…

“Are you ready?” Allen’s voice broke him out of the trance. Shaking himself off, Lavi quickly picked up the cards he’d been dealt and looked them over. A lousy hand, not that he didn’t expect it. He should have known better than to let Allen handle the deck. With a sigh, he dropped three and drew again. Even worse. He rearranged the cards and looked up at Allen expectantly.

“You wanna change anything?”

“No, I’m good,” Allen replied, not even bothering with a proper poker face. “So, shall we?”

Lavi just groaned as they both uncovered their hands. Technically, he got what he was aiming for. Allen smiled the widest he’d seen him for days – but now Lavi yearned to wipe that smug smirk off his mouth.

“Not bad for a warm-up,” Allen gloated, gathering up the cards to hand out another round. “What do you say, mister Lucky Night?”

“I say you’re not allowed to deal anymore.” Lavi plucked the deck out of his hands and gave it a thorough shuffle.

“Really, now.” Allen stared back at him with wide eyes, a perfect display of innocence. “Lavi, don’t you trust me?”

“Allen.” Lavi sent him a stone-hard look as he flung the cards back and forth between the two of them. “I trust you with my life, but _never_ with these.”

Allen shook his head with a laugh.

“Well, if that makes you feel better, do go on. It doesn’t matter to me either way.”

It really didn’t matter, Lavi found out with growing frustration as they played one game after another. Even with so many chances to figure it out, he still had no idea how Allen kept pulling this off time and again. Losing all the time wasn’t _half_ as annoying as not knowing why. Still, it was worth it. With every game, Allen’s eyes would light up more and more, and with every win, he’d flash a smile – a terrifying smile, granted, but Lavi would gladly take it over that haunted look from earlier.

The longer they played, though, the more that smile reverted back to a thoughtful pout. Sitting so close, Lavi could clearly make out all the tiny shifts to Allen’s expression, and it didn’t take long to notice something was still bothering him. Something was off. Allen has never been this distracted during a game; one moment, he was watching Lavi like a hawk while he dealt the cards, only to stare off past his hand and mouth to himself as if he was counting something in his mind.

“Hey, quit spacing out.” Tired of waiting for his move, and a little concerned, Lavi leaned over and poked him in his bare toes. “What’s up, you suddenly forgot how to play?”

“Far from it.” Allen swatted at his wrist with his cards, revealing another royal straight flush – his third one in the last five rounds. He tossed them on the blanket and stretched out with arms over his head, stifling a yawn. “This is starting to get boring. It’s too predictable.”

“You know, it could be more exciting if you stopped cheating,” Lavi remarked, still assaulting Allen’s foot with his finger.

“Oh? Look who’s talking.” Allen narrowed his eyes, and before he got any reply, he seized Lavi by the shirt, one hand tugging at the fabric while the other snuck right underneath.

“What—“ Lavi sputtered as the ice-cold fingers brushed against his stomach. Allen swiftly reached up and up, with the aptitude of a skilled pickpocket, until finally he pulled back again and triumphantly waved his loot into Lavi’s face.

The ace of spades.

Lavi had almost forgotten about it – no, wrong, he could never _forget_ , but the card had grown onto him like a second skin over his heart, so much so that he barely noticed it anymore. He stiffened, his head starting to spin with the sickening memories again.

“I knew something wasn’t adding up,” Allen exclaimed, flipping the card in his hand with an amused smile. “I have to admit, though, I’m impressed. I didn’t even notice when you took it! How long have you been hiding it?”

“I…” Lavi tried hard to swallow down the bitter tingle at the back of his throat. He couldn’t look away from that little patch of black and white, fluttering in Allen’s fingers like a butterfly, and something in his eye must have clued Allen in. He followed his gaze down and turned the card over once again, his smile fading as he took a closer look.

“Lavi…” he said slowly, fingers skimming over the dark smears of dried blood on the paper. “ _How long_ have you had this card?”

“Since we left China.” Lavi’s voice barely broke through, choked and raspy. “Lenalee and I went looking for you when you two got separated. We couldn’t find you… Timcanpy showed us the place, but you weren’t there anymore. This was all that was left.” He gestured at the card, feeling a pesky dampness under his eyelid.

“And you took it with you…” Allen's face softened as he looked up at him with a fond smile. “You had it with you this whole time…”

“I was holding onto it for you.” Lavi managed a smile of his own, a weak one, but for the first time that night completely genuine. “Now that you’re here, you can have it back, though.”

Allen bit down on his lip, thumbing the tattered edges pensively for a few heartbeats.

“Actually, I’d like you to keep it.”

It wasn’t an answer he expected. As Allen held the card out to him, Lavi took a breath and opened his mouth, but found himself lost for words. What could he even say to something like that?

“But… How are you going to play without it?” he blurted.

“Don’t worry, I can manage.” Allen let out a small laugh, still eyeing him with that heart-melting, tender look. “It’s all right, Lavi. Just take it.”

“Seriously.” Shaking his head, Lavi reached out and gently wrapped his fingers around Allen’s hand, keeping it in place. “I don’t need it anymore now. You should have it. To help you win.”

“If that’s what you want.” Allen relented, his grip tightening. “But at least let me give you something in exchange.”

Lavi blinked, once again taken by surprise. Suddenly, Allen’s face hovered closer to him, so close he could see the impish glint in his eyes and the tiny tremble of his lips – and then those lips skimmed over his skin, pressing a short, sweet kiss just by the corner of his mouth.

Lavi stiffened as a warm breath swept his cheek, making the hair on his arms stand up. It all lasted only a few seconds, and before he knew it, he felt Allen starting to pull away. Lightheaded and lost, Lavi leaned in, desperate to stop him. Allen’s soft chuckle tickled his chin. The touch grew bolder. Lavi tilted his head, returning it with timid lips as he let Allen push him back onto the mattress.

They settled down to creaks and groans of the springs, pressed up against each other on the narrow bed. Allen's head was a warm weight on Lavi’s shoulder, bobbing slightly to the steady rhythm of his breaths. His white hair spread out like a halo, shining silvery in the dim light. Like mesmerized, Lavi stroked it slowly with a gentle hand, tangling his fingers in the short strands at the nape of his neck.

“Will you stay with me tonight?”

Allen’s answer was nothing more than a low murmur that trembled through his chest. Nothing more was needed, though. His heart aflutter, Lavi put an arm around Allen’s shoulders, rubbing small soothing circles into his back as they both drifted away.

The night was sultry, washed blue with the light of the clear full moon, and for the first time in a while, peaceful.


End file.
